Opening her life story Charlotte Austin Today she reflects on her story as a young woman who grew up in a family marked by violence, was physically abused by an ex-boyfriend, and tolerated infidelity. These experiences led her to two suicide attempts. She also updates on her depression and panic disorder, which have improved thanks to Buddhist practices, shared on the program "Khuisaeb Show" on One31 channel.
Congratulations on your fan meeting. Would you say it was like an early birthday celebration?
"Yes, actually my birthday is on December 21, but this time there was a fan meeting for the series produced by MGI, so I combined my birthday event with it in Taiwan. It was my first solo event abroad. I didn't expect tickets to sell out so fast. At first, I worried whether many foreign fans would come because traveling back and forth is difficult."
I heard tickets sold out within 2 minutes?
"Yes, I was very happy."
Many wanted tickets but the venue only holds 500 people?
"Yes, at first I thought it was only 200 people, which is already a lot. But on the day, they said it was 500. I wondered how big that was because the hall was dark during the event. When I stepped outside, I was amazed—was this really mine, not tourists? They were shouting my name. That’s the meaning of being surrounded by love."
I heard you received many gifts?
"A lot. But I always tell fans if they want to give me something, letters are fine because I have kept fan letters since 2022 when I first competed. I have nearly every letter from then until now."
Why do you especially like letters?
"I have a house with a room just for storing fan items. Whenever I feel tired or stressed, I go there, open the boxes of letters, and reading them feels healing."
I heard this year you didn’t want dolls because you couldn’t keep them long and had to donate them. You said donating gifts you received hurts your feelings, so you preferred wet wipes?
"I gave fans a heads-up during a live stream. Someone asked if I wanted a special birthday gift this year, so I said wet wipes, bottled water, or something practical. I want to use what I get, not just keep it or donate it. I have pets—a dog and a rabbit—so wet wipes are useful. Fans also know I often lack bottled water and prefer tap water."
I heard your Miss Grand friends flew in to surprise you with a cake?
"Yes, with Khawpod, an artist from the same label, who stayed with me from the first day I arrived. The next day was the fan meeting where we gathered friends. After the event, we had dinner together. I didn’t expect another surprise after already having one the day before, so I was caught off guard, wearing a hat and grilling food. It became a meme."
I heard this Taiwan trip was the most complete, including a vow fulfillment?
"I didn’t exactly vow to get something, just asked for the call center scam case to end and to get the money back because it happened while I was involved. I also asked for people’s interest. A week before flying to Taiwan, my lawyer informed me the case was closed and the property was rented out."
Have you received any money from the case?
"Not a single baht yet. It’s still in the process of sending documents abroad because it involves international crime."
Is the outlook positive?
"Yes, there’s a high percentage it will be good news."
Your childhood was somewhat dramatic. You wanted a chance to have meals together with family members, but that opportunity was rare?
"I didn’t realize until later that childhood memories would affect me in the future. Reflecting or hearing from others, I realized: 1. My parents separated; 2. I witnessed violence from a young age. It wasn’t directly against me, but I saw a lot. These memories were buried and never addressed. I wondered why I am the way I am, feeling a lack of love, and then I understood it began from my background."
As a child, others might be homeless, but Charlotte was a child of many homes?
"Monday to Friday I stayed with my mother; weekends with my father; school breaks with my grandmother in Chumphon."
I heard your mother and father both remarried?
"Yes."
Was it warm when you stayed with either parent?
"As a child, I saw my mother had bruises and heard shouting. At 11-12, I thought it was just normal adult arguing, but it was the start of my dislike for yelling because I saw it happen to my mother. With my father, it was worse. His previous wife threatened us with a weapon, and I cried looking down from the second floor. That woman disappeared because my father said she threatened him and me. So I said goodbye."
Both homes had family violence. How did you cope with not feeling warmth anywhere?
"Luckily, my parents protected me like an island, but hearing and seeing those things left a deep mark. My panic attacks triggered by loud noises or other stimuli probably stem from this background."
Do you want to say anything to people who misunderstand you, as there were rumors about you?
"I think everyone’s situation comes from their background and experiences. Panic disorder doesn’t just happen randomly or because someone is a celebrity. There are different triggers. For me, speed and loud noises trigger it."
What happens when you have an attack?
"I become still, then breathe slowly—not fast—because I know the signs. Without medication, I try to calm myself and find a safe place. I look for someone to stay with briefly and ask to be with them."
At your recent event with many fans, how was it?
"Fans came in large numbers—not in a threatening way—but I hadn’t seen such a crowd in a long time. I wondered if they really came for me. Their loud cheers were joyful, not bad, but at that moment I was startled. What helped me recover from panic was a little fan running to me. I hugged the child and instantly felt better."
Did you experience bad love in your youth?
"My first boyfriend was everything—red flags, cheating many times, physical abuse. It made me wonder why I stayed, and I realized it was because I loved him. But it was a very toxic love, like many others who experience toxic relationships but can’t leave. One day, we leave without shedding a tear."
How many times did you forgive cheating?
"Countless times."
What kind of abuse did he do?
"He choked me and roughly grabbed my arm."
At that time, did the man leave on his own?
"Yes, I came to Bangkok for a day to get my passport. When I returned to Phuket, he didn’t open the door. When I used a key, all my clothes were gone. It was like he moved out to live with another woman but was still seeing me."
Had you moved on by then?
"No, we were still together then. Nothing bad happened during that time, but after I returned from Bangkok, he moved everything to someone else’s place and came back two months later."
Did you forgive him?
"No. I let my father handle it. I didn’t want to see him at all. My father knew because he saw me crying often. He told me if something happened to him, he would be very sad. That made me realize there’s no need to cry. My father comforted me calmly, letting me experience love myself but warned me not to do anything extreme if I cried."
You’re beautiful; are you being courted now?
"No."
Or from experience, if it’s bad, it’s better to be alone?
"Yes, if it’s not someone warm, respectful, and loving, it’s better to be alone."
What’s your type?
"Not a player, respectful, warm, gentle."
Does it have to be a man or same gender?
"Honestly, I don’t know. Ultimately, whoever approaches me, if we click, we can talk. If not a romantic relationship, we can be friends."
Any advice for people with panic disorder?
"For me, see a doctor. At first, I tried not to rely on medication. I saw many who took nine years to stop. I wanted to try on my own, but it didn’t work, so I sought medical help. The doctor didn’t just give medicine but also advised exercise, running in the park, or therapy in places that heal you, so when you don’t rely on medication, you have something to help."
What was your worst symptom before seeking help?
"I cried every night and was afraid of everyone. Before, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, which was impossible because of my work that involves meeting many people, especially fans. I’m normally very friendly and fun, but during the scam and negative news lasting almost a year, I felt it was better to see a doctor."
Did these problems affect your work?
"Yes, I could only work half-heartedly, not fully engaged. The difference before and after seeing a doctor was huge. Before, my energy was very low; I didn’t want to talk or socialize and was scared of scammers. After treatment, I wanted to meet people, enjoy work, go outside, do handmade crafts, and run in the park."
Does medication slow you down or make you drowsy all day?
"Does it make me drowsy all day? For me, no. Does it slow me down? A little—I take a moment to think or speak, counting 1-2-3-4 before responding."
What did the doctor recommend?
"I told the doctor I didn’t want to take medication for life. He said to take symptom-relieving meds and asked if there were psychotherapists I could talk to anytime. The doctor said yes."
Another method you use is chanting and meditation?
"At first, I only listened to Buddhist teachings, but later started meditating. I feel peaceful and happy. That calmness helps me be more mindful of what I say."
How much has your life changed now?
"I feel I fully love myself again, free from stress and tears, with nothing weighing down my mind. Everything feels clean and clear. Now I can confidently say I truly love myself."
It’s known you twice attempted suicide. What happened?
"The first time was with my first boyfriend. It was very toxic and I was young, so I hadn’t thought things through. After an argument, I took a handful of pills like in the movies but it tasted bitter, so it didn’t work. My father knocked on the door and told me to come eat. I cried and said I would come out soon. It was a fleeting thought when I took some pills."
Did you swallow them?
"I swallowed 2-3 pills but spat some out because they tasted bitter."
The second attempt was heavier since you had entered the entertainment industry?
"Yes, by then I was in the industry and facing bad publicity. I felt attacked from all sides without knowing how the industry worked or how to behave. I hadn’t done anything but was under a lot of pressure. Being an anxious, overthinking person, I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried, went to the kitchen, drank, took a weapon, cut my arm, cried, and spaced out for hours alone, with no siblings or family around."
What stopped you?
"My rabbit, who usually didn’t come near but that day jumped to sit beside me. I cried harder, threw the weapon away, and hugged the rabbit. I thought, if I go, no one will care for Palau as well as I do, so I can’t leave him."
You’ve been sober almost two years now?
"Yes, at friends’ birthdays I might have a little sip, but no heavy drinking. Taking doctor’s medication helped me stop drinking, which is good for me. Without drinking, I don’t worry about how I’ll feel or what might happen."
There’s concern from an astrologer who predicted it would happen three times?
"Yes, according to astrology, it would happen three times. I’ve already counted two."
When did they tell you about the three times?
"Last month. They didn’t know what I’d been through. They said the chart shows three such events. I’m counting for the third one, but it hasn’t come and won’t because I’m now aware."Anything you want to say to your fans?
