It is rare to see life partners openly share the vulnerabilities of love so candidly, as on the show How Are You Feeling? hosted by two presenters. Ja Yotsinee , and Dr. Tong Pongrapee take viewers into the deepest and most genuine conversations with the actor couple, Por Natthawut and Ae Porntip. From days filled with questions about their love, disagreements, and differing parenting approaches, to the point where they decided to sign divorce papers uncertain about each other's feelings, and then to the moment they had to face lung cancer hand in hand—facing fear, caring for both the patient and the caregiver, learning to lower expectations, and coming to understand each other again to find happiness in an uncertain life.
How Are You Feeling?
Ae Porntip: I’m very happy—never felt this happy before. It’s strange because I believe everyone’s life includes sadness and suffering, but after I got sick, I actually felt much happier.
Por Natthawut: I’m indifferent; I live in the present. I don’t feel the happiest or the most miserable because I believe everything passes. ‘This too shall pass’ is my life’s foundation. Even if today I win the best award, tomorrow is just another day. Tomorrow I might face something bad, then good times will return. Every action in life has its best and worst, but eventually, it balances out. Happiness for me is a delicious plate of stir-fried basil with fried egg. I feel okay today, though Ae’s moment is a bit more special.
Because we had to face illness together—cancer—we carried this burden just between the two of us. Our mothers are elderly; we didn’t want to tell them yet. We decided to finish this first, have surgery, then share with them later. I didn’t want my 85-year-old mother to stand stressed outside the hospital, and the children were too young to understand. So it was just the two of us carrying lung cancer. Actually, I was carrying her burden alone because Ae was very distressed, crying and shattered emotionally. I knew she was exhausted. But Ae was lucky—she transformed from the most cowardly person to the strongest fighter who refused to give up and made a comeback.
Did feelings of uncertainty arise?
Por Natthawut: It was more of a shock. It felt like we were just about to have a meal. We’d just finished a health checkup and planned to eat the noodles we wanted at this restaurant, chatting normally. Then suddenly, there was a risk of cancer. The next day, we had an appointment with the lung doctor; the day after, surgery; then a second opinion the day after that. So within three days, we had to see several doctors. I remember the first doctor telling us it was likely cancer as soon as we met.
How did you feel that day when you were told it was likely cancer?
Ae Porntip: Shocked. After hearing the doctor, I couldn’t process anything, couldn’t accept it. I wondered if it was really true—was the doctor’s diagnosis final? I was in denial and stunned, couldn’t say anything. In my heart, I just prayed, ‘Don’t die, don’t die, you must not die.’ The children are young, the parents are old, we’re not ready.
When you went home that day, how did you see your two children’s faces as parents? Did you tell them anything?
Ae Porntip: At first, we didn’t tell them. Only the two of us knew. My parents and Por’s parents didn’t know yet. We knew surgery was coming that week, but we said, ‘It’s okay, it’s not serious,’ thinking they couldn’t handle it. We told them it was a small surgery, nothing big.
Por Natthawut: We discussed with the doctor that it was about stage 1, but they needed to check if it had spread to lymph nodes or elsewhere. There are different types: stage 1 with or without lymph node involvement. We didn’t know which stage yet, so we had to check. I told Ae not to overthink: in the end, it’s just a matter of whether we live or not. So, let’s take it step by step: tomorrow, just see the doctor, eat well, sleep well, and we’ll go together. I stopped working for that day.
There was a time when Por stepped away to eat—what happened then?
Por Natthawut: That day was very long—the day waiting for surgery. From the morning, preparing for tests, going for checkups, then waiting outside the room. The doctor came out after taking a biopsy and said it would take half an hour for results. Ae was unconscious. When the results came back, it was confirmed as cancer. They checked for about two more hours before wheeling her out around 9 p.m. Then we took Ae to the CCU. I felt dizzy. When I ran to eat, I couldn’t eat anything. I sat there unsure what to do. I still shake thinking about it. It might have been the moment I felt the most exhausted. I managed a few bites before rushing back to her.
Ae Porntip: I was lying in bed, staring at the clock at the foot of the bed, just watching when he would come. It was a torturous time because I didn’t want to be alone. I felt comforted when he was there, but he was only gone briefly—it felt like hours. It was very painful.
When you decided to live together, when did disagreements begin?
Por Natthawut: Throughout, Ae felt I was controlling her, which might be true. I think it’s normal because I’ve always controlled myself—knowing what to avoid. So when we became a couple, I also controlled her unknowingly. I thought that was normal: ‘You have to do this, you have to do that.’ For example, when she used to wear glasses, I told her not to wear sunglasses too much or people would think she was pretending. I told her to make eye contact. She would ask, ‘Why? I just want to wear sunglasses. I think they look nice.’
How controlling was he, in your view?
Ae Porntip: He was bossy, telling me how to act or behave. Sometimes I agreed with his suggestions. But on things like sunglasses or wearing faded jeans—which he disliked but I liked for a casual look—we’d argue a bit.
Por Natthawut: She’d say, ‘You think you’re better than me.’ Yes, I am better. I never make mistakes. I plan ahead. I graduated in something Ae hadn’t.
How was it after having children?
Ae Porntip: We disagreed constantly. If I wanted to raise the kids a certain way, he had a different view. Everything was different, no agreement on anything.
Did you discuss parenting before having children?
Ae Porntip: At that time, we just wanted children and talked about when to have them. We didn’t discuss how to raise them, whether to focus on academics or other paths. We only talked about that after the children were born.
The eldest loves his mother but seems to feel a little neglected by Por. Is there some resentment?
Por Natthawut: That was a tough time. I was exhausted from work—sometimes filming two series and a movie—and then had to care for the child. I looked forward to going home and holding him, but he refused and went to Ae instead because she was with him. I felt jealous he didn’t want to be held by me; I really wanted to hold him.
When you had problems, did you avoid talking?
Ae Porntip: I didn’t argue because I knew I couldn’t win. I just listened but with resistance. I think it was good because arguing would only escalate problems. I’d stay silent, calm down, think it over, and wait for him to calm down too.
Who gets angry faster?
Por Natthawut: Ae has a dangerous side. I get angry quickly but calm down immediately.
But Ae stays angry longer?
Ae Porntip: Yes, for several days—about three days.
Por Natthawut: One day I realized it was all too tangled. I was overvaluing everything and forgot to let go. Now we try to let go of everything. If something isn’t necessary, we drop it. My mother can take care of herself. We live just for ourselves, our family, and it’s comfortable. When we’re not tangled up, we don’t have to overthink or worry about others. We focus on ourselves, and that makes us happy. We don’t crave wealth or luxury. We work when we have work, rest when we don’t, and just live simply. We’ve reduced the clutter in our minds to just us and our children.
What was the lowest point in your marriage, the darkest day?
Ae Porntip: Probably when the children were very young, and we were extremely tired—exhausted from pumping breast milk and sleepless nights. I felt he looked at me differently, without love. At that time, I didn’t love him anymore.
Por Natthawut: I remember the look in the bedroom then, before a nearly missed argument. Ae’s eyes were normal, but I knew she didn’t love me then, and I didn’t love her either. We said it was okay and maybe it was time to separate. We even talked with friends about what happens after divorce. We reached that point, considering options, but didn’t want to go through with it. Then we visited a monk who advised that if we no longer loved each other, we could try divorcing for six months.
On the show, Ae said she loved him, but Por said he wasn’t sure?
Por Natthawut: At that time, I wasn’t sure because I thought we should separate.
Ae Porntip: Because he once said, 'I love myself; I don’t know how much I can love you because I love myself, but I will try my best.'
How did you feel that day?
Ae Porntip: I understood because he did everything on his own. Loving yourself is not wrong, but he tried to love me too, and I’m grateful. I wasn’t sad to hear that.
Por Natthawut: The reason I said that was because I’m almost perfect—I’m a perfectionist without realizing it. I remember lying in bed hugging Ae, saying, ‘I love myself a lot. I don’t know how much I can love you, but I will try.’ That was even before we had children.
When it came time to actually sign the divorce papers and separate, how did you feel?
Por Natthawut: That was the hardest. Before preparing the documents, I thought we had to separate but only for six months. When signing, I suddenly felt a surge of love because it felt like losing her. We were separating, divorcing, and what if after six months she said she didn’t want to come back?
Ae Porntip: I felt hollow and lost my foundation—I no longer had a family leader. I thought, what if he meets another woman? He meets many beautiful women. What if he doesn’t come back to sign with me? What would I do, and what about the children?
Signing for six months?
Por Natthawut: Yes, six months. During that time, my love for her grew, I became more possessive, wanting to return to how things were. Everything improved until I wanted to wear a swimsuit, go all out, wear three pairs of sunglasses—whatever it takes, just for fun.
Life began to improve, then illness struck?
Por Natthawut: But I think that’s normal. Life has to face this eventually. We might not be together forever. We talked openly, telling Ae to be happy because nothing worse could happen. People might not understand us, but that’s okay. After cancer, we faced drama, so it was a double blow.
How did it feel being ill and facing harsh drama?
Ae Porntip: I worried about Por more than myself. I knew he was carrying a heavy burden and felt guilty, always apologizing, saying he shouldn’t have done this.
Por Natthawut: We talked about how Ae’s cancer related to PM2.5 pollution, which all Thais breathe. I wanted to use our story to educate others, but it backfired—people accused her of faking it, saying she’d had cancer for two years. Everything got twisted. I still don’t understand why people are angry at us.
I felt guilty, thinking I shouldn’t have shared our story. But I wanted Ae’s story to inspire others and extend her life a bit. Despite positive messages, there were both supportive and negative comments. I asked Ae if she was okay with the criticism; she said we should let it be and keep fighting together. We must overcome it. It’s just another day. Tomorrow, let’s get a health check and aim for better health. Let’s run together. We got through it.
Por, you seem lighter and more cheerful now, which seems to come a lot from Ae?
Por Natthawut: Now we listen more, our hearts open, and we’re truly happy. We’ve toned down our fighting spirit.
Was there a moment you decided to put the sword down?
Por Natthawut: I think it was as I got older. At 50, I realized I had little time left to be happy. I don’t need to care for anyone as much as myself anymore. I’m no longer as strong as before—I’m an old warrior who needs to care for my own heart, my wife’s heart, and my children’s hearts. I often say this is the best period with myself, even better than when I was a leading man. I don’t need to live like that anymore. I’ve proven everything. No matter how much I fight with passion, if I don’t learn to let go, it’ll never end until death. Now, I need to lighten the load.
How have you found the happiest time in your journey?
Ae Porntip: After everything we’ve been through, I see clearly that we are loved by many. Por loves me deeply—more than I ever imagined. We’re lucky. This experience showed me many things: friends who love me, people around me encouraging me. It warms my heart. Wherever I go, there’s only love. I’m truly fortunate to be alive in this world.
Do you have anything you want to say to your wife?
Por Natthawut: I couldn’t live without her. The strongest person is sometimes also the most vulnerable. I can’t fight if I don’t have a good family to come home to. Without Ae’s support and our children’s encouragement, I’d fall apart. I apologize if sometimes I’m too much or too little, but I won’t stop trying to improve myself.
Anything you want to say to your husband?
Ae Porntip: I want to thank him for being part of my life, for completing me and bringing happiness. Without him, I can’t imagine moving forward. I can’t live without him. Thank you for being a wonderful family leader, loving our children and family, always doing everything for us. I even forgot what he once said about loving himself, because now he loves us more than himself.
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