How are you feeling? Let's explore another side of Great Warintorn Behind the image of a perfect man who always looks strong, he actually battles with the voices in his head constantly — fears, expectations, the loss of his beloved cat, an addiction to being productive, living without rest, to the point he forgets to listen to his own feelings.
What happened to your cat?
Great Warintorn: Since I took him in, at first he had four legs. I never planned to keep a cat, but one day this cat dragged his injured leg to my home. His leg was wounded and unusable. So, I decided to take him in and the next day took him to the vet. This happened during the COVID period. I felt attached because he was one of the first cats to come to me.
I never thought I'd like cats, but eventually I took him to the vet, tried acupuncture and everything. The vet said his nerves were no longer functional. If left untreated, he would keep biting his leg because he couldn't feel it, leading to infection and possibly early death. The solution was to amputate the leg. The cat would adapt quickly and live well, but I had to care for him since he couldn't fend for himself. So, I chose this solution. He is my first cat.
You're someone who loves being alone. How was it to have another life come into your home after taking him in?
Great Warintorn: At first, I didn't plan to keep a cat partly because my mother often comes to the house and is allergic to cat hair. But she only comes on weekends. When I decided to keep him, honestly, I didn't think much, just knew that if we amputated his leg, we'd have to care for him. At that crossroads, if left alone, he'd die early. But if we amputated and didn't care for him, that wouldn't be right. So, I didn't hesitate; I decided to keep him.
How did he change your life?
Great Warintorn: I feel like I discovered a third and fourth voice inside myself. I found a tenderness I never knew I had. Interacting with a pet made me feel cute feelings and eased my fatigue. I wanted to care for him the best I could. Being home alone, I tend to be aware and observe my own mind constantly, so I became more mindful.
When Kai Toon first arrived, I was excited and felt happy. At first, I could say that when his leg hurt and he relied on only one leg, I started seeing him as a cute, talkative, and affectionate cat who talked a lot.
Before being neutered, he constantly made noises — every breath he took. Sometimes I couldn't concentrate on reading. He’d cry if I didn’t hold him. After neutering, it was like his voice box was cut off. I remember once looking at him thinking, "Where will I find a cat this cute again?" The hardest time was when I knew Kai Toon was sick and in pain.
Did your heart drop when the vet said he was unwell? Was your mind disturbed?
Great Warintorn: Yes, the most disturbing moment was seeing him suffer. Nowadays, I meditate every morning for 10 minutes. I’ve done this for a month. On that day, I was okay. Everyone was home, but I hadn't told my mother yet. I only said, "Mom, I’m going out to see Kai Toon. He's not doing well."
That morning, I hadn't told anyone else. The house felt chaotic, so I sat with myself and meditated for 10 minutes. I fought with the voices in my head and mental images. But honestly, I didn’t cry then. I just recognized my emotions and stayed with them for the whole 10 minutes. If my mind thought of him, I let it. I stayed present and gathered strength to do everything needed that day.
The hardest part was when we laid him in the grave. His tail seemed still alive, his feelings not gone, just motionless. I whispered, "Sleep well, Toon." Then followed the burial steps. The two moments I truly took time with him and cried were at the hospital and when burying him. It felt like truly being with him. What I got from him was unconditional love. As long as Kai Toon was happy, I was happy.
Is that different from being a perfectionist?
Great Warintorn: Yes. I don’t really like to admit I’m a perfectionist, but I am in some ways. I learned about loss since I was a child. In high school, I didn’t fully grasp it, but I had a grandmother who passed away late last year, and then Kai Toon. They taught me to truly live with feelings and understand them, to face them with readiness. I grew inside thanks to the cat, developing a gentleness that changed my perspective. I even analyzed myself.
As I grew up, I realized some things I was rigid about before, like disliking those less hardworking than me or people waking up late, changed. I wanted those around me to be as hardworking as I was. But now, I’ve adjusted my thinking because I’ve matured and learned more through acting and meeting others. I saw that someone waking up late might compensate in other ways, which is good.
I have many insights now about understanding others — why they act a certain way, what they fear or dislike. This deepened my self-study, so I’ve relaxed many rules I had about love, work, and life. I am kinder to myself because I understand myself better.
Did you study to become a therapist?
Great Warintorn: It was a basic course, about CBT, lasting 2-3 days but full-day sessions. We studied cases. Mid-year, there will be an advanced course, which I plan to apply for. I’ve wanted to learn about this for a long time but never decided to until now.
Honestly, in the past, people often came to me for advice or to talk. Sometimes not directly asking but opening up as we talked. I felt I could guide them. Sometimes I’d ask questions they’d never asked themselves. These questions came from my own thinking process, believing they could find answers if they tried. I feel I have this ability. Every time someone talks to me and feels they gain something, I feel fulfilled.
Part of my strength comes from my time as a monk, which helped me heal myself. I feel this is something I can share with others. If it makes them reflect or start something new, it could be a solution for them. That’s why I’m interested in this field.
Today, when you decide to deal with others’ inner voices, do you ever escape your own?
Great Warintorn: I’m constantly fighting with my own inner voice.
What is your inner voice like?
Great Warintorn: Sometimes it pushes me to keep moving forward, even though I love reading and know rest is important. I’ve been struggling with this for a while. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. It’s about balancing my life — wanting to rush into one thing after another.
I often question if rushing means I’m afraid of losing income or if I really have to keep busy all the time. These are questions I ask myself. When I spend energy rushing from one show to another, sometimes I feel exhausted despite not accomplishing much that day. Why am I so tired?
Addicted to being productive?
Great Warintorn: Yes, exactly. I once talked with a psychologist who told me to schedule a rest day each week with nothing to do. But I tend to count things like going to the gym, seeing doctors, or facials as work because they improve my performance. I didn’t really see them as rest. The psychologist said to mark a day just to lie at home. I couldn’t do it well — maybe only 20% of what was advised.
Then I had my cortisol hormone tested — a Ferrari machine — and it showed I was at 100% all the time. Besides therapy sessions, the blood test confirmed it. I was fighting fatigue, but the results showed my hormones and body were taxed. I want to improve my performance, but if I continue like this, I won’t progress. I have to seriously address this. Productive people only talk to their thoughts, not their feelings.
Is there something in your life right now that you feel like consulting about?
Great Warintorn: Actually, it’s about my father. It’s probably the biggest thing on my mind. I still believe I can manage my own feelings, but not those of others or loved ones. When I see him sad or dissatisfied, it hits me deeply.
My father had a stroke. Now he can’t eat many things he wants. My mother and siblings want us to be happy together. Whenever my mother talks to me, I partly act as her therapist. But when she asks me to talk to my father, that’s a tough task because it requires a lot of energy. So, our family faces a rough path. I believe my father is still strong but we need to respect his heart more and let him live his life. That’s something I’ve heard before.
Today, everyone has become his caregiver, telling him what to do. Is this the new normal we must accept?
Great Warintorn: I think this is clear. Simply put, the caregivers — my mother and siblings — must adapt more. We’re working towards that goal. I need to talk with my family and myself. When I see my father smile a little, I feel good. I just want to see him lively. Personally, I know what I want to see, but everyone must balance and soothe their own feelings. It’s more relaxing.
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