The female host Kanya Raiwin opened up tearfully after attending the funeral of her close friend, a former male singer. Tae Thaman Taephan also known as Tae Dragon Five She revealed they had known each other and worked together as hosts on True Inside for a long time. She admitted Tae had confided in her about life and business problems and shared her lingering feelings after Tae sent a message saying “I love you, Kanya,” which she did not reply to because she felt shy. She vowed that if she could turn back time, she would tell Tae she loved him too, and regrets trusting his words that he was okay, which led her to be complacent and not call him more often.
No one wants to meet under circumstances like this. How are you feeling?
“Honestly, since I learned he was gone, my mind started fearing the worst because we used to talk and update each other all the time. We worked together at True Inside for over 20 years, met almost daily, shared everything. Tae often consulted me, I can say that.”
“For example, about work and his hair salon business, since I have a hair salon. He asked me if he should continue after his previous tenant left. I told him, if you can manage, go ahead. The location is good. We kept talking, from before he opened the hair salon to when he ran a restaurant; I even supported and helped him in various ways. It felt like we were constantly part of each other's lives. Even after he left True Inside before me, we kept in touch, along with Som, Pear, and Pupe, always updating each other.”
So, with similar business operations, did his business face problems that felt very heavy?
“Honestly, I didn’t know the full depth because Tae didn’t usually consult anyone unless he was truly troubled. But at that time, he did seek advice and even invited me to try trading; I let him teach me but I wasn’t skilled. We exchanged things constantly, and when he was distressed, he told me, and I offered counsel.”
“Regarding my post about regretting not replying, it’s not that I ignored his line message. He texted, ‘I love you, Kanya’ (voice shaking, starts crying). At that moment, I thought ‘yeah, I love you’ but felt shy and didn’t feel the need to reply ‘I love you too.’ But now that he’s gone, when I look back, I wonder, ‘Did Tae really send me this message?’”
“I am very angry with myself, asking why I didn’t reply that I loved him too (crying heavily). Why do I only realize it now after he’s gone? Every time he messaged or called me, I always called back. If I was busy, I told him, ‘I’ll call you later.’ I never abandoned him.”
“So, I feel regretful asking why Tae didn’t call me this time, why he didn’t leave a message or consult me again. I had helped him before. Does he not think of me now? These thoughts haunt me. I even told Som, ‘Am I a bad friend? Did I fail my role as a friend?’”
If you had a chance to reply to that message now?
“(crying) I would say, ‘Tae, I love you too. I want you to be strong, and I will always be your friend wherever you are. Whatever you need, just tell me. I’m ready to help and will always stand by you.’”
When you heard the news, as a friend who knew him, how did it feel?
“As I said, the first thought was, why couldn’t I help him? But before this, we tried to help. We told him to talk to a friend who is a psychotherapist. We assured him, ‘Best can help you.’ Best tried to arrange meetings, and he agreed to go, but in the end, he never went.”
“Everyone at True Inside kept trying to support him, offering encouragement, advice, and solutions because we felt like his friends. We noticed he had changed; he was quieter than before. Recently, we invited him to meet, but he didn’t come. I messaged him privately, asking if he could make it, and if not, we’d reschedule.”
“We knew something was different, but we gave him space because he had confided in us before. If he wanted to talk, he had to reach out himself. I was complacent, and when I heard the news, I was angry with myself for not calling or checking in more.”
Was it two years ago when you arranged therapy for him?
“The first time he talked to me about his problem was two years ago, around July 2021. After that, we didn’t discuss such issues again, only other topics because he always said he was okay.”
Do you know if he actually went to see anyone himself, maybe not the person you recommended?
“I just found out recently that even his partner didn’t know anything. So I think, that’s just how Tae is — if he’s not really in deep trouble, he won’t speak to anyone.”
Do you think he was under stress?
“He was, but he kept it to himself. If it were me, I’d at least vent. Even if friends can’t fix it, at least it feels better to have someone listen and reassure you, ‘It’s okay, you’re fine.’ But Tae never opened up unless he was truly distressed.”
Earlier I saw you pay respects in front of his photo. What did you say?
“(crying) I scolded Tae, asking why he didn’t call me, knowing I was trying to help him. Even if I couldn’t fix everything, why didn’t he think of me? It’s heartbreaking.”
Is there anything you think your friend could have done if he were still alive?
“As I said, at least if I had called to check in, asking ‘How are you today? Are you okay? If you’re free, want to meet?’ I neglected that because I trusted his words that he was okay. Pear also told me, ‘He says he’s okay,’ so I was complacent.”
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