An insight into parenting with understanding from "Koy Ratchawin" through the program "On the way with Chom," after having experienced severe stress causing her milk to stop flowing. She admits she had no time for herself for two full years and discusses preparing to face her child's growth into adolescence and independence. She emphasizes that the ultimate goal in parenting is not success or talent but to see the child grow happily and safely.
Is being a full-time mother easier or harder?
Koy Ratchawin: I think both full-time working mothers and mothers who have to work have similar responsibilities and fatigue, but the contexts differ. Being with the child 100% means managing their emotions, feelings, and behaviors constantly. Those who work outside face pressures at work, external social responsibilities, and have to juggle both roles simultaneously. The pressure and exhaustion differ from full-time mothers. I might focus fully on parenting, but the energy spent with the child all day means I rarely have social interactions or keep up with the outside world.
When asked if it's more difficult or easier, I think all mothers devote themselves and sacrifice equally. During the first two years, it felt like I cared for my child 100% and hardly went anywhere, with almost no time for myself. Once my child started school near a gym, I would drop him off and then spend an hour or two working out. It felt great to energize my body and release built-up energy through exercise. I believe every mother should have time to rest and time for herself.
What were you most serious about as a new mother but now think you worried too much?
Koy Ratchawin: Breastfeeding. When I had my first child during the COVID-19 period, I had no experience and no guidance. I didn't realize breastfeeding was such a big deal. I understood that mothers breastfeed normally but didn’t know how milk production affects hormones, body, and mind. I was in Phuket, far from family, and was very confused. I had to hire a nurse at home to help because I was a new mother and didn’t know anything. I was uncertain about how to feed the baby or if milk was coming.
I had to choose between direct breastfeeding or pumping, trying to find what worked. I slept only about three hours a day, feeling exhausted and very stressed. The more stressed I was, the less milk came. Doctors told me not to stress—easy to say but hard to do. To be a happy mother, if the mother is happy, milk flows better. After some time, once I adjusted and understood the process, milk began to come, and I felt happy. When I stopped forcing myself to produce milk a certain way, things improved. That was probably the toughest part after having my first child.
Do you cook for your child yourself?
Koy Ratchawin: In the beginning, especially with the first child, I did some cooking. Honestly, I’m not good at cooking but good at studying. I like reading about nutrition—what to eat, what to avoid, what suits the child’s age. I choose ingredients and nutrients suitable for each stage. The important thing is a balanced diet with protein, minerals, carbohydrates, and vitamins. When children reach a certain age, they start to choose what they like and dislike. My two children differ, but at least I know if one doesn’t like a food, I find alternative nutrients, for example, plant protein if animal protein isn’t accepted.
Did you breastfeed for a long time?
Koy Ratchawin: About a year and a bit for both of them.
Any issues with sweets? Does your family spoil the kids?
Koy Ratchawin: We know sugar isn’t good, but kids eating it won’t show immediate effects—it accumulates over time. So, am I strict? Not really. I know when to allow it. For example, if my child ate ice cream every day, it could become a habit. So, my husband and I agreed to allow sweets as a treat or reward. Knowing ice cream is very sweet, we sometimes make homemade popsicles by blending fruit and freezing them, so it’s healthier. We try not to let them develop a sweet tooth, but not banning completely since I liked sweets as a child too. We aim for balance. My husband tends to spoil because giving ice cream is associated with love and hugs from him. Sometimes I scold, but it’s their happiness too, so we try to moderate.
If the father can’t tolerate when the child wants something but the mother thinks it’s not appropriate, how do you discuss it?
Koy Ratchawin: We talk openly as adults. For example, my son Talay loves airplanes, and we have many at home. We tell him to wait until his birthday because he already has many. During certain festivals, he gets lots of toys, then wants more, feeling he always gets them. We don’t want him to think these things are easily acquired. We want him to appreciate each toy.
Thinking back to my own childhood, I treasured and took good care of every toy. I want my child to feel the same—not to play and discard toys for new ones constantly. So, we tell him ‘not today.’ If he cries, we let him because we know he’s sad, but the answer is no. We explain why; he might not understand immediately, but it sinks in. After hugging him, we say, 'Okay, we’ll go home now, no worries, maybe next time or wait for your birthday. If you want something, write it down.' Sometimes there’s a small agreement that if he does something, he can get something.
What are the challenges for parents with more than one child in balancing love and fairness?
Koy Ratchawin: Since I grew up with siblings, including an older brother, I understand a mother’s perspective. As a child, I wondered if my mother loved us equally, but it’s not about that. It depends on who needs more care. Some children need more attention; others can take care of themselves. Emotionally, both children need love. It depends on how we raise them to love each other. This is quite challenging.
It’s not just about dividing love because every mother loves her children. We focus on the child who needs more support, which might unintentionally affect the other. One thing we try is to foster peaceful coexistence between boy and girl siblings by respecting each other’s rights. We don’t want birth order to determine privileges or cause inequality. We don’t see results now, but we believe what we build today creates not only happy children but future adults who respect societal rules and live harmoniously with others.
What phrases do you often say to your children to show your love?
Koy Ratchawin: Every night I hug my child to sleep and say, "Mom loves you, Talay. Mom loves you. You are my life, my heart, my everything. You are my life, my soul, my everything." I say this to him every day. (Tears welling)
Chompoo Araya: "You are the apple of mom’s eye, dear." This is what I say every day. Children like hearing 'apple of my eye.' They don’t understand what it means when young, but as they grow up, they understand not to mess up.
What is the hardest part of being a mother?
Koy Ratchawin: Every day offers new lessons; nothing stays the same. We must adapt and learn alongside our child endlessly. The love and bond we give daily, I want it to remain with them whether they grow up, marry, have children, or face adolescence when many say teens reject parents. I always wonder, since we were so close as children, will there be a day when they become strangers? I’ve heard this a lot but am mentally preparing.
Putting aside talent and success, what do you most want to see in your child’s life?
Koy Ratchawin: For today, I believe the present is most important. I want to see my child grow happily every day, with smiles and laughter, eating well, sleeping well, waking with energy, good physical and mental health, and joy in learning new things daily. That’s enough for me as a mother.
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