Tax deductions or the welfare card can shake up family harmony. Why does discussing this with mom risk breaking the home more than with dad? This article uncovers relationship issues and solutions, exploring the line between “filial piety” and “financial worth.” Who else faces this problem?
“Mom... this year, I’d like to use your name for my tax deduction.” A short sentence, just a few words, but for many salaried workers, it’s one of the hardest things to say—especially nowadays, when a child’s good intention to manage taxes might cause the mother to lose her benefits from the “state welfare card” or “poor people’s card.”
Interestingly, when surveying working people, most say in unison, “If I talk to dad about this, it’s easy to resolve. But with mom… I think about it over and over and don’t dare to speak up.”
What lies behind this awkward hesitation? We will delve into the relational dynamics, household economics, and seek joint solutions.
From a psychological and Thai social context perspective, the relationships between “child-mother” and “child-father” have subtle boundaries that make financial discussions very different in difficulty.
Mom is the ‘household manager,’ dad is the ‘observer.’ In most Thai families, mom often handles day-to-day expenses—from water bills, electricity bills to meals. The money from the state welfare card (even if only a few hundred baht monthly) is “cash flow” that mom manages independently without asking anyone. If a child uses mom’s name for tax deductions causing this benefit to disappear, it directly reduces mom’s spending power. Meanwhile, dad usually sees the bigger picture or is less involved with these small expenses, so he is more willing to accept the conditions.
Mom’s pride and sense of self-reliance. For mothers, receiving monthly transfers on the welfare card is not just about the amount but represents “emotional security”—a feeling of having income and state welfare support without asking children for every baht. When a child says they want to cut this benefit to save their own tax (which some moms do not understand due to the progressive tax system), some mothers may feel hurt or misunderstand the intention as “You care more about your tax money than my livelihood,” or feel they are becoming a burden.
Communication style: dad uses logic, mom uses emotion and connection. When talking to dad, children often use logic: 1+1=2, such as “Dad, deducting tax will get us 5,000 baht back, better than the welfare card’s 3,600 baht per year.” Dad usually understands quickly and ends the discussion. But with mom, the relationship involves expectations and emotions. Talking numbers directly may make mom feel the relationship is being reduced to money, causing discomfort so children often choose to stay silent rather than risk conflict.
This is a sensitive matter because it touches on the belief system of “filial piety” in Thai society. Many children accept paying higher taxes simply to avoid making their mother feel uncomfortable or being seen as “selfish” for taking away parents’ rights.
There is also a knowledge gap about the tax system (Tax Literacy). Older people often believe the welfare card is guaranteed free money, while tax deductions are intangible and do not directly go into their pockets. Explaining this requires great patience and psychological sensitivity.
If you are facing this issue, here are communication and problem-solving approaches to keep both sides harmonious.
1. Calculate the difference clearly (maximize household benefit). Prepare information before the talk.
Calculate how much money you would save in tax by using your mother’s name (based on your tax bracket), then compare it with how much money mom would lose from the welfare card over the year. If the tax refund clearly exceeds the loss, proceed to the next step.
2. Propose ‘compensation allocation’ upfront to reassure mom.
This is key! Approach mom by guaranteeing, “Mom, don’t worry. The amount you used to get monthly from the welfare card, I will transfer to your account on the 1st of every month (or even more).” This helps break down mom’s concerns about cash flow immediately.
3. Change the explanation from ‘for me’ to ‘for our family’ to shift the communication perspective.
Avoid saying, “I will save money,” and instead say, “I want to take the money paid to the government back into our family savings to cover medical bills or household utilities,” so mom feels she is helping manage the family’s money.
4. Ask dad or a neutral family member to help explain; use a mediator within the family.
If you feel that discussing this alone may lead to emotional conflict on both sides, try talking with dad first to gain understanding, then have him help communicate—or have a relative whom mom respects explain the tax system in a relaxed atmosphere.